Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

Jul 292014
 

Forget what your mother told you.

Here at Cantankerous Old Coots we believe in letting your feelings out. Maybe your mother taught you to be nice. She may have told you “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.” Well, we say forget what your mother said. How far has your mother’s advice got you anyway. We say, if you feel it, then let it out.

Permit No Time Bombs

The way we see it, those bottled-up emotions are time bombs, wreaking havoc on your health and well-being. Keeping quiet just lets that pressure build up and, even worse, encourages those fools causing all the upset to keep doing what they are doing. Keeping quiet not only makes it bad for you now; it makes it worse in the future.

Niceness is Phoney

All this niceness is phony anyway. You know what people are really thinking. It’s what you are thinking but just not willing to say. They may tell you that you are looking good and that your new grandchild is so cute but you know the truth. Old age never improved anybody’s looks and that grandchild is a wrinkled mess, even if they do say he resembles you. Wouldn’t it be a relief not to have to pretend that you believe them? Don’t you think they deserve the same honesty from you? Of course they do. Do yourself and them a favor and just let it out, tell them the truth.

Like this

“Joe, you old scoundrel, you are even fatter than the last time I saw you. You get any bigger and I’ll have to get you a wheelbarrow to lug that belly around.”

“Sally, you old fool, whoever told you that pink was a hair color? You look like you got your head caught in a cotton candy machine.”

“Dick, you blithering idiot, what makes you think that combing those two hairs over your bald spot will turn you into Fabio?”

Do everybody a favor

You see the point? Friends do not let friends make fools of themselves. So do yourself and them a favor, let it all out. Trust us. You mother was a fool.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 292014
 

What’s up?

http://www.flickr.com/photos/pinkmoose/ / CC BY 2.0

It seems natural to start this blog with a bit of explanation.  Cantankerous Old Coots does evoke an image but beyond that, what would encourage a reader to come back?  Everybody probably has experience with a cantankerous old coot and most likely it was a family member – someone you couldn’t avoid and someone you didn’t seek out.  In my life there was my grandfather and my father-in-law.  Family events were always fun.
Blessed Relief

So why devote a whole blog to cantankerous old coots?  If you are like me you are fed up with mealy-mouthed, namby-pamby excusitis about the crazy screwed-up world we are stuck with.  Most of us are dependent on bosses we must suck up to and people we are supposed to respect.  “The customer is always right.” “The government is here to help.” “Together everybody achieves more.” “Yes, boss, whatever you say.”  All the while, inside you are screaming with revulsion but you can’t be honest because that would be negative.

Sanity in a crazy world


The goal here at COC is to create a small corner of sanity in the craziness of our lives where it is safe to scream, point fingers and shout “That’s crazy!”. Here is a place where you can make hamburgers out of sacred cows and send sleeping dogs running frantically into the ongoing traffic.  Here we can say that the Emperor has no clothes – and that he isn’t very well endowed to boot. So join in.  Vent and enjoy the unbridled cantankerousness of saying what you really think for once. If the chips are falling, it won’t be here.  Comment, offer to guest post and encourage the committed coots to free their hidden curmudgeon.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 292014
 
Official seal of County of Placer

Image via Wikipedia

The Coots News Service does bi-coastal one better this week. CNS is going bi-continental with a news story from our home in California and one from Venice Italy where we will be vacationing for the next few weeks. (Can’t be sure about CNS for this interlude.  Bob says become a foreign correspondent and deduct the trip.  I’m not sure.  It is a vacation for Pete’s sake and maybe Bob will actually have to to some work around here.  You will just have to wait in eager anticipation.  Even I don’t know.) Both stories are bad news but let’s start with the one close to home. It’s an example of just how looney things can get in these modern times . Usually looney and California are associated very closely together  but parts of California are more prone to looniness than others. What stands out with this story is that the town considering this new ban is located in the most conservative county in the state.  If there is reason and principal anywhere in California, it ought to be in Placer County.

Rocklin California is upper middle class suburban lifestyle personified in a county that consistently votes conservative. That the City fathers would even consider a city-wide smoking ban just demonstrates how far the demonization of smoking has gone and how insane the anti-smoking people are. The issue was initiated by a woman who claims that her house is infiltrated with  second hand smoke from her neighbors who just happen to smoke in their own yard.

It is, of course obvious that this woman is a nut job of monumental stature.  She clearly has lost any ability to reason or use logic. She has been indoctrinated by the health wackos about the dangers of second hand smoke to the point of obsession. What is terrifying for the future of California is that elected officials are paying any attention to her. The woman is a laughing stock and should be publicly ridiculed. Instead they are considering infringing on property rights by criminalizing smoking on your own property. Is this America or the Soviet Union?  Will we let crazy people control what we do?  Apparently the City fathers in Rocklin will not protect us from loons.

CALIFORNIA TOWN CONSIDERING TOTAL OUTDOOR SMOKING BAN — EVEN ON PRIVATE PROPERTY

interior of the airport of Venice, Italy

Crowds in the Marco Polo Airport Image via Wikipedia

On the other side of the pond in Venice, Italy where my wife and I will be spending the next two weeks, City fathers are happy to welcome more airline connections with Marco Polo Airport. Venice is highly dependent on tourists to keep itself above water but enough is enough. In high season, the city is overrun with people trying to see all the sights. It is hard to see how adding more will make the economy better. At some point, people will say no more and go elsewhere. Already the city is trying to get control over the huge tour ships that dock in Venice. Why encourage more planes?

Venice launches 9 new international flights

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with work

 Posted by at 18:09  Uncategorized
Jul 292014
 

“I do not like work, even when someone else does it.” Mark Twain

work‘Work’  I struggle with with the word. It’s supposed to be something to respect and admire. You work to earn your daily bread and pay the bills. I’m OK with taking responsibility for myself and doing what it takes to earn that paycheck, Where I have trouble is liking that activity. If they have to pay me to be there, what makes anyone think I should like working? Society wants it all to be simple. Work is proper and satisfying. Work is what you do most of the time so you can play some of the time. The problem is that it is still work and most of the time is a lot of time. Then I retired and life got more complicated.

At first it was a relief not to have to drive 25 miles to sit in a place with uninteresting people and pretend to believe that the projects I was assigned were important. It was fantastic to wake up each day knowing that I did not have to go anywhere or do anything but that didn’t last. It seems that somewhere along the line, I started to believe that my value was defined by what I was hired to do. If I wasn’t being paid, did that mean that I was worth nothing? It was troubling. Continue reading »

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jul 072014
 

Travel is broadening

At least that’s what I hear. That may be true but this coot came back a few pounds lighter than when I left on my trip. Whether it is due to all that walking, I can’t say. I do know that there was plenty of great food to eat in Venice but I kept it under control.

I don’t think that’s the real meaning of the saying however. I think they are talking about understanding people and customs as much as your waistline and I did discover some interesting things about Italians that bear serious consideration, like those long lunches. Other aspects of the Italian lifestyle leave me bewildered however. And they seem to center around the bathroom.

Venetians seemed pretty normal

In spite of the exotic environment but once I saw the bathroom in the Venice apartment, I started looking over the men pretty carefully. They seemed to have the usual equipment in the usual places but you would never know it from the convenience I found in our bathroom. I finally reached an accommodation about how to use the darn thing but they sure didn’t make it easy.

Yeah, I do know about those bidet things and I strongly believe that the left side of my device might be one of them. I always thought I knew what they were for but close examination left me baffled about how to use it. I didn’t worry about it because those things are for women but I was still curious. Thinking that my wife would automatically know what to do with it, I asked her. “Beats me.” she said. “There is no seat so I just left it alone.” No help from her.

I played with the controls without a single insight. It looks like a waste of good money to me but I’m not here to judge. There must be some secret that Italian women learn and keep to themselves. After all, if it was any good, every American bathroom would have one. No need to make it my problem.

a Venetian crapper

What would you do with this thing?

It’s the other half of that thing that really bugs me. I know what it’s for. What I can’t figure out is how in the world is a man supposed to use it. Let me explain.

Toilets in America are designed to accommodate men and women with their different equipment. What that means is that toilet bowls are generally oval or at worst round. The little beauty in our apartment was indeed oval but it was oval in the wrong dimension (wide rather than deep) providing no accommodation for male apparatus and making taking care of business much more complex and messy.

I was unable to discuss this problem with any Italians due to my inability to speak Italian but I found myself examining the anatomies of Italian men. Were they built different from American’s? I could see that they are generally shorter but I can’t believe that that is the explanation In addition, in spite of our stereotypes, Italian men (or at least Venetians) are generally lean. Short and skinny might work on that toilet but unless Italian men are assembled differently, I don’t believe it helps that much. There is just no way to sit on that thing and do your business when it involves both number one and number two without leaving a puddle on the floor. I can’t believe that this is what anybody wants.

My solution to this problem was to stand for number one and sit for number two. It isn’t what I’m used to and certainly not my preference but not having to clean the bathroom floor was a sufficient reward. I had an opportunity to experience other bathrooms in Venice and discovered that in public places, men were not provided a bidet. And I discovered that there are some toilets that provide the proper accommodation for the male anatomy to sit comfortably. I feel much better about Italians as a result.

Whatever the criteria involved in selecting the bathroom equipment in our apartment, it seems that Italians are normal human beings after all. It does make we wonder about our hosts- the American owners of the apartment we rented. It may not be an Italian problem after all.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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