Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

New Category for Posts at Coots – Up with

Posted by Ralph at 15:26 Up With

Sep 022014

: Image by TheTruthAbout… via Flickr

Maybe you think that we are too negative at Coots. All the time you keep hearing about things we don’t like. You might conclude that Coots are never positive and that we don’t like things. You would be very wrong but to be fair – how would you know. After long conferences and much cantankerosity, the Coots have a solution. We are going to show you our positive sides from time to time. We are going to title these posts ‘Up With” and in them we will highlight things that we like and want to see more of. Look for the first of these posts soon and then expect to see more of them from time to time.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with Thinking for Yourself!

Posted by Ralph at 15:26 Down with

Sep 022014

Feeling my way…

I started writing this post today without actually knowing my topic. Lately this seems to be the way my life unfolds- I wake up with a vague mysterious feeling that I ought to be doing something but I’ll be darned if I know what it is. Sometimes the fog clears and I get to work. Sometimes it doesn’t and I roll over. It’s nice not to have the pressure driving me to get up and do something important, especially when it wasn’t my important but someone else’s important. Still It makes me wonder if there isn’t something important that I want to do.

Life was simpler back when I was clear about my mission in life like when the kids were at home or I had a boss to please in order to get a paycheck. No thought required. These days each day is a clean slate with only the items I choose penciled in. It doesn’t make much immediate difference what I do- or even if I don’t. When I didn’t control my day I used to dream about what I would do if I didn’t have a job. I created fantasies about doing important things and making a difference. Now that I can, I find that it is harder to act out those fantasies. I have doubts. I wonder if it is worth the trouble. These days I realize it isn’t easy thinking for yourself.

Looking back over my experience

I finally realize is that life is just one cop out after another. At every fork in the road I took the easy route. I followed the crowd. I avoided responsibility. In modern American, people don’t want to lead. They pass the buck. They blend in. People careen through life grabbing mindlessly at anything that might excuse them from making commitments, setting goals and being responsible for the consequences. Going to college is a good example. It is a four years deferral of responsibility and a place to learn bad habits. Then when you can’t postpone earning a living any longer you take a job and let that define where you live and your place in the world. All along the way there is the illusion of control, after all you did make the choice but deep down you know it is a lie. Whatever control there is isn’t yours. The only decision you made was to become a pawn on the chessboard, a cog on the wheel, a needle in the haystack. Modern life is an illusion of independence while we choose safety and control. We dream about independence while we suck at the teat of the Matrix.

Moving right along.

So what was I saying when I started this post? I seem to be having a bit of trouble with this thinking business. It’s like I’ve been asleep so long that I don’t really know what is important. I keep stumbling over my purpose in life and how should I spend my day now that my crutches are gone. Even more troubling, do I actually have an independent thought in my head or am I merely a sounding board for all the messages bouncing around in there telling me what I ought to be thinking and what I ought to do. It’s hard work thinking for yourself; no wonder most people won’t do it.

This explains my morning befuddlement, lying in bed, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and looking for a purpose to give my day meaning. The crutches are gone; somebody moved the goalposts and I don’t seem to know the rules. Each day I face the dilemma. Do I get up and stumble forward hoping to find a purpose along the way? Or do I just roll over and go back to sleep? Am I the only one with this problem? Am I going senile? Is there anyone out there that can relate? Somebody out there tell me I’m not the only one looking for help getting out of bed each morning. Even better, maybe you’ve found the solutions.

Help me out here!

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Long Live the Sanctimonious Old Sheep!

Posted by Ralph at 15:26 Coots Lessons, Plain 'ol Cantankerous, principles

Sep 022014

Christmas card with Caspar Milquetoast by H. T...

Image via Wikipedia

Today, for a change, we are serious!

You’re accustomed to light hearted, trivial musings about life here at Cantankerous Old Coots but today brace yourself for some deeper thinking. If you thought that checking out the Coots would be mindless diversion, today, the Coots are asking for more. Change is in the air. Lick your finger and check which way the wind is blowing. When you feel secure then read on.

One of the original ideas for the Cantankerous Old Coots was to provide a framework for people to shed their Casper Milquetoast personas and develop an unique brand of what we like to call cantankerousity- letting the chips fall where they may and standing up for yourself in a world that glorifies sheep. (We never said that we weren’t suckers for cliches).

We tried inspiration.

So began the series of Coots Lessons, intended to help people foster an independent frame of mind. We formulated 16 Coots lessons covering a wide range of life experiences. These lessons were intended to provide the basis for an E-Book and eventually a body of instruction in the Cantankerous Old Coots University.

And then?

Well, life happens, and it seems that Cantankerous Old Coots have just as many problems reading the public as anybody else. We published that E-Book- a beautifully designed primer for getting started on the road to Cantankerosity. The only price for this valuable product was to join our community by signing up for our list. We anticipated that every reader would want to have this helpful document on their very own personal computers for easy reference and encouragement.

We were wrong.

At every step along the road, we sought evidence that somewhere out in cyberspace, there is an audience yearning to break out of the mindless ordinariness of daily life; the dreary monotony of not making waves. Alas, it seems that independent thought is dead in modern society. Instead of an eager audience of cantankerous people or even cantankerous wannabees, it seems that our vast and growing audience of readers is nothing but lookiloos- folks that love the idea of independent thinking but are too afraid of their shadows (or what other people might think) to actually be independent.

Not Coots but Sheep

At the next Coot’s Convergence (that’s a business meeting for the uninitiated) I’m going to propose that we change the blog’s mission statement to better fit our audience. I’m going to propose that Cantankerous Old Coots be changed to Sanctimonious Old Sheep. Under the new motto we will revise our lessons to help our audience fulfill their destiny to make no waves, get lost in the background and make absolutely no difference in the world for anybody in their life.

The New Agenda

These are the tentative changes to the first five Coots, I mean Sheep, lessons.

Coot Lesson #1 – Let your feeling out!

Sheep Lesson #1 – Embrace the Uniformity!

Coot Lesson #2 – We don’t care what you think.

Sheep Lesson #2 It’s all about them

Coot Lesson #3 – Polite is over rated!

Sheep Lesson #3 – Mind your manners!

Coot Lesson 4- Say It When You Feel It!

Sheep Lesson #4 – Not so Fast

Coot Lesson 5- Let your face show what you think.

Sheep Lesson #5 – Show your happy face.

Give ’em what they want! That’s our new motto.

I’m convinced that this change will bring this blog into convergence with our audience, leaving them safely in their comfort zones and sleeping peacfully each night. I think that mindlessly reinforcing the conformity and bland acceptance that is modern life will grow our audience even faster in the future and provide safe cover for all the sheep out their to join our community and leave their own conventional wisdom in the comment area.

Cantankerous Old Coots is so out of date and 20th century. Long live the Sanctimonious Old Sheep! Go ahead now sheep, it’s safe to comment!

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Life Mistakes: What one thing would you like to do over?

Posted by Ralph at 15:25 Problems and solutions, Reflections

Sep 022014

I’ve got a question today.

For some reason I feel mellow and my cantankerosity tank seems empty. I know it can’t last but meanwhile I’ve still got a post to write. So today we try something new. I don’t want to rail and rant. I just want to engage our readers. Today we are doing show and tell.

One of the harsh realities of life is that there aren’t any do overs. You go down the trail once and when it’s done, it’s done. You can think about the experiences you missed along the way and imagine how different things might have turned out with alternative selections but you can never change the reality of your choices.

Tell me your biggest do over wish.

I want to hear your perspective on your life. No big generalities or conventional wisdom. Confess! We all establish priorities and principles that guide our life decisions. We don’t always honor those priorities and principles however. That is my story and I bet it is yours too.

We missed our Swiss Family Robinson moment

Sometime it’s just too hard and we take the easy path. Other times we choose the safe path; the secure job instead of the one that is exciting, the guided tour instead of the travel adventure, the challening path instead of the easy one, the sure thing instead of the big risk.

I did all those things along my life path. How much difference it made and whether my life today would have been better or worse I can’t say. I do know that the one thing I regret most is not creating a lasting memory of at least one outrageous family adventure when my kids were at home. The time with our kids was short and I was distracted by other things I thought were important at the time. If I could go back and create some kind of family adventure. I would have to fight to do it because neither my wife or kids would have gone willingly for a month on the beach in Belize or a rented boat in the Caribbean. That kind of outrageous idea never crossed my mind and if it did, I was too much a wimp to make it happen. We missed our Swiss Family Robinson moment.

That’s my confession.

No Cantakerosity from this Old Coot today. What I would like to hear is what thing you wish you had had the guts to do earlier in your life. You don’t have to be an old coot. You can be a young coot or not a coot at all. Let it out. You will feel better and I won’t feel like such a loser.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Coots give tribute to a great man

Posted by Ralph at 15:25 principles

Sep 022014

Great men don’t grow on trees.

Once in a lifetime, maybe even two lifetimes, a great man comes along. Who knows if it is the times that make the man or if the quality of greatness just can’t be contained and bursts through whatever the times. Whatever, it is clear to me that we now have such a man in the White House. Who can deny that our President brings together Kansas common sense, third world understanding and Ivy League intellect in one polished bundle. I have to confess that until now his greatness eluded me. I was intrigued when he was first anointed in the Iowa caucuses. After all what could those ethanol sniffing rubes in our heartland know about greatness? He emerged as a man to watch but I didn’t think he had the seasoning to make it through the grueling primaries just to get the Democrat Party nomination let alone take the prize. There were a few tense moments but the competition collapsed under the charm and wit of the future President.

Now looking back, it is all clear. He said he was going to transform the country and indeed he has. The power of his election swept huge majorities in both houses of Congress and the rest is history. The man is impressive.

But wait, there’s more

Much as I had to respect his accomplishments up to now, however, my respect for his greatness got an even bigger boost recently when I discovered that among his impressive talents was one I never suspected- the man can read my heart.

He knows my inner secrets

Deep in my innermost being there is an uncontrollable urge that takes primacy over all others. I don’t usually express it publicly but truly every action that I take is based on a force I can’t control. I never knew what to call it. I never spoke about it until now and it was never a big topic with my political bedfellows even though I was sure that we shared this urge. It wasn’t until the President called me out that I recognized it for what it was- my holy grail. The Presidents great insight pierced my being to the core and reveled that it was more than an urge; even more than a passion. It was the holy grail of my being. I lust to give tax cuts to the wealthy.

It feels so good to be free at last

I can’t tell you what a relief the President’s great insight provided me. I had always been confused by actions for which I could never identify a core belief. Before I never understood how my actions and political beliefs must have been incomprehensible to others. Our President was not confused. He saw clearly into my heart and spoke truth to my confusion. Democrats have always been confounded by the inexplicable behavior of Republicans because it made no sense. How could Republicans be so stupid and self-destructive by giving tax cuts to people with more money than they have. They didn’t understand that uncontrollable urge and certainly not its power over Republicans. They never realized that this peculiar urge was our Holy Grail.

Thanks to the President’s wisdom, I am free from confusion and doubt. Now that I understand the forces controlling me, I can hope for salvation and maybe even a cure for my malady. I owe it all to a great man – President Obama.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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