Dog Days…and Just Dogs

OK…I’m fat chubby overweight, I admit it. So? That doesn’t mean I deserve the discomfort of The Dog Days, the hottest, most sultry days of summer…and those days are here, with a vengeance.

If God meant man to be hot during June, July, August, or any other month for that matter, He wouldn’t have invented Rheem, Carrier, and Trane.

My dog, Jackie, agrees wholeheartedly. She is miserable. Normally the heat wouldn’t bother her…hell, normally NOTHING bothers her…but right now she tries to climb into the refrigerator every time I open the door to get more lemonade.

Heat…cold…wet…nothing usually bothers Jackie. She’s a mix of pit bull, Jack Russell terrier, and plain ‘ol hound, and she is about as laid back as a dog gets.

Don’t get me wrong…the Jack Russell in her gives her energy…a LOT of energy. I’ve often thought I might find a friend who takes valium and borrow some to give Jackie…she has WAY too much energy for an old fart like me…but her attitude is really laid back. Nothing upsets her, nothing disturbs her.

Usually.

But then, she usually isn’t pregnant. And she was pregnant. Very pregnant. Note I said she “was” pregnant. Until 3:30am last Wednesday.

Now she is not pregnant. Now she is a mommy…a brand new first time mommy. Septuplets. In this heat. She told me to tell y’all that these days are badly misnamed. As a dog, she sees nothing about these hot days to make them appeal to a dog, so she wants us to quit calling them “Dog Days”. She thinks they ought to be called “Idiot Days” because only an idiot would like ‘em.

I agree.

She really only has herself to blame though. I had planned to wait until she had her first “heat” and then have her “fixed”. The problem is, the horny little hussy got pregnant at her first opportunity.

In addition to being a horny hussy, either her vision is bad or she has TERRIBLE taste in boyfriends. If the daddy is the dog I think he is, he is the dog version of Mortimer Snerd…in looks AND intellect. Of course, I probably shouldn’t be talking about lack of intellect right now…I AM the one who wasn’t smart enough to keep a dog inside or on a leash while she was in heat…

Anyway…I just wanted to introduce to the recent additions around here. I don’t subscribe to the old adage to not name an animal you are going to be getting rid of. I used to have a small goat dairy, and I always put the little bucks in the freezer when they were about 4 months old, and I named them too.

BBQ #1, BBQ #2, BBQ #3…

In that vein, I’ve named these as well, despite the fact I’m not keeping any. Free Gift #1, Free Gift #2, etc. In six weeks I’ll be spending a week outside the local Wally World on a Saturday, giving away puppies.

Any of y’all need the address to the Wal Mart in Jasper, GA?

EDIT:  Ralph wanted a picture, so…

 

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