The three of us resident coots…Justin, Ralph, and me…were talking the other day about ways to improve Cantankerous Old Coots. We kicked around a few ideas, some of which you’ll see us roll out over the next month or two, and some of which (thank God) will never see the light of day.
After about an hour of discussion (and not a few snarky comments from Ralph) Justin and Ralph suggested…rather pointedly I thought…that no matter what else we did, if we didn’t keep the writing quality to a high standard, COC would founder.
By virtue of my paranoia acute observational skills, even over the Skype connection I could tell they were talking about the dumb redneck boiled peanut salesman from Georgia, namely me.
Being the reserved, quiet, non-confrontational sort I quietly informed them both that I could outwrite both of them with half a keyboard tied behind my back, even before having my first cup pot of coffee in the morning, and if anyone needed to pick up their writing skills it was them. I know I did it quietly because the feedback in my headset was tolerable.
Painful…but tolerable.
I mean…com’on…how much kettlebell crap and retirement sackcloth and ashes do you folks want to listen to, huh? Wouldn’t you much prefer my astute observations on Washington idiocy, TSA sexual assaults at airports, and the sad state of public education…and the pithy way I present that information?
In their defense, Justin and Ralph DO have some limiting factors in their pitiable attempts to match my writing skills.
Besides writing, both here at Cantankerous old Coots AND at JustinsBrainPan (what the hell kinda blog name IS that, anyway?) AND being a stay-at-home dad…and playing those silly kettlebells, Justin doesn’t have a lot of time and energy to put into quality writing, so his dragging COC down is understandable, if unfortunate.
As for poor, poor Ralph…well, we all use a certain amount of brain power on each blog we write, and we all only have so much brain power to start with, and Ralph does have to keep try to keep quality work on his blog RalphCarlsonBlog, and…well…there just isn’t much left over. I wouldn’t want to say he doesn’t have much to work with, but he did choose to live in Californeeee, after all. Not just that, but he chose to be right next door to UCBerkley, for God’s sake! His limitations are obvious.
As for ME…well, I’ve known for years I am the Smartest Man in the World, and frankly I’ve never been short on the willingness to share that fact…with family, neighbors, friends, and now y’all…so it’s obvious to me that MY writing certainly is up to snuff, both here and over at MY blog, JuicyMaters.com, but…
Justin and Ralph don’t agree. Actually, they disagree quite vemnt…vehamtl…veamentall…oh crap…strongly, so we are leaving it up to you, my our readers, to decide who is best. This week’s post comments will be counted, and the post with the most comments wins the Golden Coot Award for best, most cantankerous coot on this blog.
If I win it will prove to Justin and Ralph who is REALLY the best writer here at COC.
You ask, “IF you lose?” Well, I don’t think that’s possible, but if it happens it proves you, the readers, have a mental acuity on the level of Justin and Ralph, and I truly feel sorry for y’all.
Bob,
I hate to break it to you but you are nuttier than squirrel turds. After all you live in lower Appalachia even though the mailing address is Georgia. Given the low tooth count among your neighbors, it is easy to understand why they would buy boiled peanuts but we are dealing with a sophisticated international readership here. Loud and braggadocios is never going to sell. But no need to rub it in. Let the readers break it to you.
My three favorite coots, going mano a mano. I’ll just pop me some popcorn and kick back to watch the action.
I notice no mention of any female coot visitors here. Poor Jenn!
Hey Dave – pass the popcorn =)
Jen is MIA Heather. As for me, I am seriously looking into a plane ticket, er gas costs to get to whatever hicktown it is that Bob lives in so that I can take my kettlebells and drop that yurt of his to the ground like the walls of Jericho. Then I can fill that JuicyMaters.com with fart jokes and soft core porn.
BTW coot to coot comments DONT count for the contest…..
Don’t Ralph and Justin know that by commenting on this rant they are voting against themselves…Ya sure fooled them Bob
Low tooth count Ralph? THIS is your best shot? HAHAHAHA…
Since you bring up tooth count I have to ask…I know you probably have all your teeth, but at your doddering age the question is:
Do you keep them in a glass on your nightstand at night, or do you use that super-strong denture glue that allows you to wear them for longer periods than just daily wear…kinda like extended wear contact lenses?
And Justin…I’ve wondered about your politics, and now w all know. When we decided to see who would get the most votes we also decided our own comments on our own post wouldn’t count so we couldn’t “stuff the ballot box” by spending 24/7 loading our posts with our own comments.
Then, when Ralph comments here, along with you getting the urge to ring a kettlebell in Georgia in retaliation, you realize y’all will be voting for me by doing so…AFTER the game has started (and started off poorly for y’all I might add).
Typical liberal/progressive tactics, changing the rules mid-game, so now we know.
Hansi…surely you don’t find that surprising?
Bob,
You don’t live in California for 40 years without learning something!
I’ve always wondered how ya tune them there kettlebells, anyway. I mean, if it’s a little flat, you can just whittle a bit off, right?
That is the art!
Bob, don’t pay any attention to the rest….you get my vote for style and humor
Thanks Kathy…I’ll drop the check in the mail in the morning if thy clear the snow off the roads by then.
Bob, you’ve got my vote too… but not for style. And after the seven phone calls I thought I should write something.
Consider me highly amused. Though I do have a question; why isn’t there a subscribe to post thingmy?
I looked, maybe I’m just not seeing it. Ah well.