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USA Today’s top headlines for this week are a mixed bag testing the Coot’s vast knowledge and experience with human affairs, politics and life. Never fear, however, the coot’s won’t let you down.
Looking Ahead: The Week and Monday
There is lots going on. Myanmar (Burma to real people) has finally released their most feared dissident after 15 years of house arrest. No explanation of this change in tactics – perhaps it signals a ‘kinder, gentler’ kind of tyranny. Maybe not. President Obama continues his whirlwind Asia tour after wowing the adoring multitudes in India, Indonesia and South Korea. Next stop Tokyo, then home to the folks that love him best- the lame duck congress meeting to lick their wounds . Makes you proud to be an American.
Missing North Carolina girl found
By matching DNA from bones, police identified the body of a missing North Carolina girl. No good news here at all. The stepmother fabricated stories and the father seems up to no good- even though his misbehaving is apparently unrelated to the girl going missing.
Michigan Lottery Pays our record $268 million
This is the second week that Michigan has hit in the top headlines- maybe things are looking up for the automobile state. Last week they were hammering alcoholic energy drinks. This week they are giving out record lottery payouts. Michigan is on the move. Michiganders, is this infusion of money going to boost the economy?
New Study shows that men fake orgasms
You wonder why people are upset about government waste? Somebody committed our money for this study and who but the government would need a study to tell them something everybody knows. Since the study was conducted by the University of Kansas, it does shed light on another interesting revelation – despite it’s reputation, Kansans do indeed have sex.
Supreme Court won’t touch Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell
The President wants to end the current treatment of gays (Homosexuals, for real people) in the military. Despite his promise to end the fakery of Don’t Ask, Don’t tell which has been the policy for years, he doesn’t have the guts to do it and take the credit. He would rather let the activist judges in the courts do the dirty work. Since it is already ricocheting around the courts, the Supremes are willing to let nature take it’s course. Meanwhile our military is diverted as big policy changes are set by legal fiat rather than legislative deliberation. Doesn’t anybody remember that we are at war?
Post Office Loss bigger than expected
Coot’s are shocked. We expected the Post Office to be loosing money. It’s what they do best. Right after dropping your package and loosing your welfare check. They are already not printing the stamp cost on postage. Coot’s predict that postage will soon be priced like seafood at a restaurant – with a daily rate.
Clinton praises Bush’s new book
It’s an American tradition. When we elect a new president, the old one writes a book. It’s a great plan because it keeps the old presidents solvent once they leave office, not to mention that when they are writing a book they have little time to fuss about what a mess the current president is making. Former presidents make a small, exclusive club and lately they have started cheering for each other. Now Clinton chimes in to say that Bush 2’s new book is well-written and interesting. Clinton must have a new one coming out.
Michigander challenges Marylander for head of GOP
In case you haven’t noticed, Coots just love saying Michigander (although we can’t help wondering if there are also Michigooses). Michigan just can’t stay out of the spotlight. Lottery payouts, alcoholic energy drinks and now running the GOP. Maybe next they will invade Canada.
Obama leaves G20 Summit empty handed
If at first you don’t succeed, just keep failing. Our glorious leader has two strikes against him in his Asian adulation tour. Next stop Japan. Will he finally get a hit or will he strike out? And then home for another Tea Party .
It looks like an exciting week ahead
Oh you don’t want to invade Canada… the people there are scary (in a nice way).
Heather,
I personally would never think about invading Canada. It’s those Michiganders that worry me. They’ve got a Canadian governor and they can see the only part of Canada south of the US.