Mar 202011
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The pavement of Copacabana Beach, Rio de Janei...

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Stop with the news from Japan!

It’s a crazy week. More Japan news than you can shake a stick at crowding the media still after more than a week. You won’t find any of that stuff here.

Whatever! There is still important news that needs highlighting and the Coots News Service will dig it out for you.

The President takes a break from all the pressures of office, heading for Brazil with his family. He is enjoying the hot Brazilian beats and tropical beauty, perhaps even checking out the Girl from Ipamema. He is rumored to be disappointed at missing Carnivale. He was heard expressing dismay that despite telling officials about his planned trip, they did not delay Carnivale for his arrival. Some people don’t learn.  Brazilians are apparently unaware that the President takes his time making decisions and expects the world to stop while he decides. I guess they will get it someday.

President Obama lands in Brazil while conservatives blast trip during chaos in Japan, Libya

No matter, the poor Pres just can’t get a break. Rudderless European countries long used to leadership from the United States just can’t seem to get their shit together and move out of the spare bedroom. Obama has been trying tough love but European leaders are still confused whether to do their homework or sneak out and party.

European governments “completely puzzled” about U.S. position on Libya

Party on, Dudes.

Meanwhile, world leadership emerges from the oddest places. Take Sarah Palin. She’s been a controversial figure in the US for several years now but her influence is going international. The Arab League is taking her lead as they desperately struggle to earn world respect.  Hint, It takes more than terrorism and economic stagnation to get world approval.

Palin Doctrine Emerges as Arab League Echoes Her Demarche on Libya

Back at home, we can’t seem to get a break on the economy, despite the President’s lazer-like focus on job growth down at Copacabana Beach,  unemployment is high and getting higher.

Unemployment rises in nearly all metro areas

It’s not just unemployment that is up. The cost of living has reached record levels too. I guess if everything goes up together, we won’t notice.

US Cost of Living Hits Record, Passing Pre-Crisis High

The UK has it’s problems as well. The legendary red squirrel is in decline, backed into a corner by the larger and more aggressive illegal aliens- the grays. These illegals had better watch out because the red squirrels have a real champion to defend them from the foreigner. It is none other than the formidable Prince Charles.  Watch out, he doesn’t sick Camilla on them.

Prince Charles: We must save the squirrel

It seems we have to go into outer space this week for some good news. Going to the Moon may be too much but  we actual managed to send a spacecraft to Mercury in order to get better information about the smallest planet in the solar system (apologies to the recently demoted Pluto who formerly held that title). Kudos to the engineers who created this craft to withstand extreme temperature variations so that we can learn more about our winged companion.

NASA milestone: MESSENGER spacecraft enters orbit around Mercury

Back at home, there is one sign of good news. In New Jersey, the governor has finally figured out how to get some value out of the broken, overpriced and failing education system. He is selling advertising. What’s nice is that they don’t have to worry about adult content because none of the kids riding the bus can read anyway. Everybody wins.

School buses give ads a ride

Well, I tried to find some good news this week. If I were you, I’d skip this whole report. Nothing here you can’t live without.


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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Mar 132011
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It’s not the best of times!

It’s a really bad news day. There is something going on in Japan that is hogging all the news outlets.   Now Japan is a fine country and all but, it just makes no sense to have that small island grab all the headlines. Anyway, at the Coots New Service, we bring you the stories that you might otherwise miss. You have probably heard all you want to hear about Japan for a long time. CNS had to dig deep this week and even then the stories are thin but CNS doesn’t rest and we still have the news you would otherwise miss right here, right now.

Starting right here in the USA, there is tragedy involving millions of deaths. Somehow the fact that the dead are sardines has pushed this story to the back pages. Redondo Beach California welcomed an nvasion of dead sardines filling the harbor.

Millions of dead sardines

Not only is this an incredible waste of valuable resources, there is a big cleanup required and the smell is unimaginable.

Also in California, northern California is preparing a big bash to celebrate the 75th birthday of the Gloden Gate Bridge. Plans include new exhibits to tell the story of the bridge.

Big plans for Golden Gate Bridge’s 75th anniversary

And if you are going to San Francisco, those flowers in your hair may get wilted getting through airport security. The TSA has discovered that some of its body scanners are malfunctioning with radiation levels many times normal. The are retesting the scanners but until then you have the choice of a feel-up or a blast.

The Golden Gate Bridge and San Francisco, CA a...

Image via Wikipediahey are retesting their equipment but meanwhile you have the choice of a feel-up or a blast of radiation. Flying is such fun these days.

TSA to retest airport body scanners for radiation

On the sports front, a Nevad man has earned the world title for ‘natural voice’ Elk calling. CNS understands that this means that he uses no implements or enhancements to produce the mellow sounds that the elk just can’t resist. The good news is that he likve in Nevada. There is quite enough traffic in my neighborhood without adding a herd of elk to the mix.

Elko man wins world title in ‘natural voice’ elk calling

Other sports news is less cheerful. It seems that collusion between the National Football League owners and players is going to give everybody a year off. Everybody seems to think that they were trying to keep the games going on as usual for next year but a leak from inside the negotiations has revealed that it was all a sham. Both the owners and players were fed up with the hectic schedules and the arbitrary requirments to run a season (especially those pink shoes) and so they arranged this tussle to give them an excuse to take a year off.

Lockout, decertification put league, players in limbo

CNS always looks for a special story to wind up the summary each week and today we have one you will all love, whatever your political persuasion and your entertainment preferences may be. It is the combo you have been waiting for – Justin Bieber and Sarah Palin, together at last.  Coots think they make a mad couple!

Justin Bieber and Sarah Palin together at last.

That’s all from CNS for this week.

Sarah Palin at the Time 100 Gala, in Manhattan...

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NYC signing September 1,2009 Nintendo Store - NYC

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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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