Feb 232015
 
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Hey folks.  I was sitting here thinking about the CFBTN and looking at some stats.  I don’t know if it is being valued.  No comments, not much readership, I would like some real feedback at the end of this post or I may just shelve it for a while.  Ralph is still going strong with the Coots News Service on Sundays and maybe 2 news days are just too much.  Besides, most of the news lately is funny anyway.

Mao Sugiyama Cooks, Serves Own….

You know what, there are things I am not going to put on here.  Now where is that link to the see through swimsuit…..

Dumb women more attractive – study

Now here is some nice solid scientific evidence of the No Duh!  Ok I like smart women but smart women, like my wife, are not being sought out by the magazines.  Let’s face it, in America we like our eye candy dumb so we can appreciate the smart ones in our homes.

"'A man may be down but he's never out!' ...

"'A man may be down but he's never out!' Home Service Fund Campaign. Salvation Army. May 19 — 26 1919." Salvation Army poster. (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Rigged device explodes at Salvation Army; 2 hurt

There are two ways to go with this.  First, a training accident at the Salvation Army!  Maybe they should get some real Army guys in there to train them.  Second, who the hell benefits from blowing up the Salvation Army???  A charitable organization that fixes up things for the underprivileged and helps all over the world.  Lets kill some of them huh?  Yea, sounds like a good idea.

 

Bear falls safely from tree after police tranquilized it (PHOTO)

While the title says it all, you have to see the picture.  It is priceless.

 

Prison Food or School Food?

I had a hard time with this one….it all looks so….so….well…..you have to decide.

 

Now folks here is the poll, answer and be helpful.

This poll isn't going to end until I get some input!

Is the CFBTN flailing like a drowning rat and should it be put down?

View Results

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Have a great Memorial Day Weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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No News is Good News

 Posted by at 11:02  principles
Feb 232015
 
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What do we need to know?

Newspapers, news radio, CNN, NPR. It is all around us. News you need to know. Crisis here. Disaster there. The latest on the Pitt kids, Tiger’s golf game and marriage, Obama’s latest oration. They tell us we need to know what is going on. It is important to be informed. I am not so sure anymore.

I played the game

I have played that game. My first year at graduate school, new to the cultural mecca of the East Coast, I would devour all five pounds of the Sunday New York Times, marveling at its richness and depth and sure that soon I would become as sophisticated and elite as I clearly deserved to be. It didn’t take. You can take the boy out of the Midwest but you can’t take the Midwest out of the boy.

I got hooked

I did pick up the news habit, however. If I was going to be a sophisticate, it was important for me to know what was going on. I have continued to read newspapers throughout my life. From time to time, I have been addicted to NPR and 24 hour news radio stations. An evening was not complete without Huntley and Brinkley telling me what was important. When they retired, others replaced them. I was hooked on my news fix. Somebody had to tell me what I needed to know; what I needed to worry about.

But then I noticed

Well, as I get older, I begin to notice something. Nobody was ever very clear about why I needed to know all this. With all the urgency about keeping me informed, the President never called to ask my advice. After giving me all that information, nobody ever cared what I thought or needed me to step in and do something about it. All that careful preparation to make sure that I would have the appropriate response to any crisis and then I was just left hanging. I was full of information but with no place to use it.

Now I get it.

Well, lately I have started to question some of these basic assumptions about life that I always thought were important – like news. I started to think about what I need to know and why I need to know it. I reached an important conclusion – I don’t don’t need to know anything that is printed in the daily rags, broadcast on the radio or shown on TV. Everything will continue to be just as wonderful or just as fucked up whether I know about it or not. There is nothing that I can do to change or ever affect what is happening and no reason for me to think about it at all. So I stopped.

No More News

No more new radio. The oil spill will do whatever it does whether I worry about it or not. No more CNN. I can’t do anything to find those lost girls so why get involved? No more newspaper. California is going over the cliff. Let it go. There is nothing I can do about it. I quit with the news.

I have better things to do.  How about you?

From now on, I have better things to do than follow the news. I know that if they need my help with anything, they know where to find me. How about you? Are you still craving your daily news fix?

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Oct 192013
 
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CGI Team Creates Realistic Oscar for Michael B...

CGI Team Creates Realistic Oscar for Michael Bay - Onion (Photo credit: Steve Rhodes)

Hey Folks, more odd news for you today.  How do you all like the CFBTN? something we should keep?  Let us know in the comments and your opinions will be considered or rejected appropriately.  Let’s get to it shall we?

 

 

Real-world beaming: The risk of avatar and robot crime

Don’t be excited that we can have some virtual interactions and technology is making leaps and bounds, worry about the “possible” bad stuff.  Next Bob will be telling us the government is full of robots and they are going to take over the Presidency soon.  Like the President doesn’t seem like a puppet most of the time anyway.

 

Officer among injured in Bucks Co. head-on crash

This is sure not on my list of “things to do”.  Crashing into a police car is just asking for trouble.  My take, Bartender: You shouldn’t be driving. Driver: Yer not the bosssss of me!  I drive a mercedes!

Well to do fool with alcohol on board thinking he owns the road.  My wife used to get all of these drunk driver accidents in the ER.  Somewhere around 90% of the drunk drivers walk away from the accident with the other car taking all of the damage.  Many people die or are seriously injured by someone who walks away.  Good luck to the Officer they have a tough job and they don’t need drunk idiots slamming into them.

Margaret Thatcher Isn’t Dead Yet

Whew!  I worried about this all week!  And they have a website!  Gotta love the Brits.

Police: Man threw pitchfork at child’s bike, dumped beer on him

Ummmmmm….HUH??????  I thought Pennsylvania was better than this, I guess not.

A related graphic:  

 

Disney Reveals That Every Disney Movie Takes Place In Single, Unified Universe

I knew it, I knew it, I knew it!!!!!

Nation’s Moms Invent New Recreational Drug To Worry About

Is it just me or do things like this actually happen a lot?

Anyway folks, that is the CFBTN for this week.  I would love your suggestions for stories if you have them.  There is a form in the sidebar or you can email me at justin@cantankerousoldcoots.com.

Thanks for reading and thanks to theonion.com and fark.com for being aggregators of some funny stuff.  Have a great weekend.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jun 012013
 
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1926 Ford Model T

1926 Ford Model T (Photo credit: Wikipedia)

Hello everyone.  If you haven’t noticed, a slight change to our posting schedule is now placing the CFBTN on Friday!  That’s right I will have a few stories here to get you through your weekend.

Now, I was perusing theonion.com and fark.com for some good news stories because they usually have the humor already distilled.  I did find that the regular news is full of funny stuff and it is not too far fetched to get the funny from my local news.  But not today.  Let’s get right to it shall we?

Fergus Falls man arrested for disorderly conduct while mowing lawn in loin cloth

And you guys thought this was a free country and Bob was more than a little crazy for his Tinfoil Hat Club.  Ha!  I just bought some Reynolds wrap….

All yours for £1.75millon: Entire village for sale includes a haunted castle, a Lordship title, 70 homes and approval for a holiday park

I’ll tell you, I am saving my pennies and hoping they have a payment plan.  I did the conversion for you, that equals $2,826,580.71.  I could be a real Lord and then my kids would have to listen to me or I could have them thrown in the dungeon!

Zoo keeper licked constipated monkey’s buttocks for an hour to help it defecate a peanut

This guy is either a) Way too committed to his job, b) a pervert, or c)…you know there is no other choice except all of the above and that is what I vote.  Good grief, get some ex-lax already.

Mosquitoes Don’t Even Need To Bite Us, Study Shows

I knew it all along…..

And a related story: (this one is an audio clip)    Justice….sweet Justice

And now your political funny:

Romney Courts Hispanic Vote With Animated Sombrero-Wearing Parrot

I just don’t quite know what to do…

And now, here is a video wrapping up the week in transportation:

Kid Screaming Behind Passenger During Entire Plane Crash 

I do agree with the last sentence, criticize if you want but you clicked on it.

And finally, I found this story.

Today Now! Host Undergoes Horrifically Painful Surgery Live On Air

I do believe that this country is too into video.  Everywhere.  I am worried that Bob may try something like this when he gets his government scrambler implanted….
Have a great weekend, if you have a suggestion for the CFBTN send it to me: Justin@cantankerousoldcoots.com.

and sorry for the ads on the videos, but hey, they are free.

Later.

-Justin

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Mar 042012
 
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Hello folks.  You may have noticed that this post is not by the venerable Ralph.  He of course is in Italy either having a vacation or on some sort of work release program, based on the pictures he sent me.  Check them out for yourself and see what you think.

 Note the handcarts that Ralph must be using to shuttle things around Italy.

  This is the dock where Ralph takes pictures for people and offers his luggage shuttle service.

  And I believe this is a view from his cell hotel, where he can hear those confounded gondoliers crooning day and night.  And is it just me or is that an outboard motor on that boat?  I thought you had to use a pole and a goofy hat to get around Venice.

Of course Ralph just sent me the pictures with no explanations, so I am guessing on all of these.  Maybe I should make this a caption contest.  Anyway, Onto the NEWS!

United States of America

Image via Wikipedia

You know, there is a reason that I don’t watch the news.  It is damn depressing.  I didn’t search very far to find a plethora of despair and foolishness abounding in these United States of America.  If you notice, all of this crap is based from one site here in Salt Lake.  I shudder at what the future holds for us.

 

Police use Twitter to announce sex offender arrival

All I can say to this is I guess it will be a while longer before I let my kids use Twitter.  It is bad enough that sex-offenders have to announce it to their neighbors, but now,  the government will do it for you!

5 ways to get control of your teens’ cellphone usage

First things first, you want to control how much your teen uses their phone, dont give them a phone in the first place!  I am currently in the adamantly opposed camp of kids having cell phones.  There are several people around me that say things like “How do you know where your kids are” and “how can you keep them safe?”  Like me knowing where my kids are and being able to call them is not only a bit Big Brother but is it really going to keep them safe?  There will be a night that is snowing and icy and I am calling my teenager and they are trying to answer the phone and then the car spins out of control on the freeway and hits an embankment.  I guess I can give EMS the number so they can track down the car and my child’s lifeless body inside.  Whatever happened to trusting your kids?  I remember my mom saying “Stay in the neighborhood and come back for dinner”  that was all it took.  I stayed fairly close and I was ok.  When I got older I was fine telling my parents where I was going and they trusted me.  For the most part.  I think a lot of that trust was because they knew who I was.  They had spent time with me enough that they knew I wasn’t going to the den of sin every time I said I was at work.  maybe that is where this “Give the kid a cell phone” thing comes in, many parents don’t trust their kids because they barely know who they are.   I have spent most of the last 11 years at home raising my kids so I think I have a pretty good handle on who they are becoming.  And no matter how much they beg, they will not be getting cell phones any time soon.  They will just have to use their imaginations and come up with games that are not generated on a screen.  They will just have to deal with the fact that I can guess where they are going.  And don’t get me started on texting….

Thieves steal donations from local charity

All I want to say to this is firing squad.  How bad off are you to steal from a charity, and one that helps those with mental illness?  This sounds like kids doing the thievery but that is no excuse.  I am all in favor of public executions in the town square, broadcast live on TV, with a fine imposed or even a bench warrant issued if you don’t check in and watch.

Storms demolish small towns in Ind., Ky.; 34 dead

Mother Nature in yet another chilling reminder that we will never beat her.  God bless those who are affected….

Q&A: Google to dig deeper into users’ lives

Hi, have you met Big Brother er the Gestapo er the Communist party er Google??????  What sounds like a good idea to some sounds like just another way for the government to bend us over the barrel and scrutinize every little thing we do.  If this keeps up, it won’t be long before the First Amendment is a quaint footnote to history.

Disney forced to shut down anti-obesity exhibit amid criticisms

This one bothered the hell out of me.  First, Disney has put up a display to help kids lead healthier lives.  Not a bad idea.  Seems many places are doing it, the NFL has the Play 60 campaign and there are other get outside and play movements going on.  Even on my Wii once in a while it says to take a break and go outside.  Here Disney is trying to do this.  and there is a National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance in this country???  WTF???  Really?  First off I am myself overweight but I am working hard to get rid of that weight.  I really want to be able to play with my grandkids in the future so being dead is not in the plan.  But, I know that I did it to myself.  I ate too much fast food and didn’t move around enough over the last few years.  Hell I spent basically 3 years sitting on my fat ass in the hospital or in the dialysis clinic with my daughter stuffing my pie hole with shit.  Not literally, of course, but here I am now.  This is another sad statement of society where there can exist a National Association to Advance Fat Acceptance, so people can just feel better about themselves and try to get the government to pay for their electric scooters.  Get out and walk around Disney World a few times and quit accepting fat as a handicap.

Father sues school district over son’s injuries

This story is high on my list of crap.  When I was a kid we would take sleds to school and ride the hills down to the mud and then slide some more.  If we got hurt, too bad Charlie, you weren’t careful enough.  This kid hit a rock and broke his jaw?  Why go down head first?  This would have happened if there was an adult there or not, the kid was being dumb.  Back in the day, kids were dumb.  You learned to be smart by flipping over the handlebars or skinning your knees with the roller skates or falling off of a sled.  Who should be responsible for this?  Couldn’t possibly be the kid, or even his parents who haven’t taught him how to slide down a hill with little snow on it.  It must be the school.  And the district.  I call Bullshit and hope that the judge not only throws the case out, but charges the father all of the court costs.  And if he doesn’t pay, teach him how to slide face first into that prison mattress…I’m just saying.

 

Well folks, I hope that you have been somewhat enlightened today and still find the CNS your source for news.  Ralph may be back next week if he does enough community service in Venice, or spends enough money so that they let him leave.  If not, I will be back next week.  And there may be video…

So, for today, Goodnight from the CNS…

-Justin

 

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Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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