Up with Christmas Cards!

 Posted by at 18:17  Up With
Jul 072014
 
The world's first commercially produced Christ...

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Back in college, I learned sophistication and nuance. The old fashioned stodgy lifestyle of my parents mid-western home was passe. I was becoming an educated, discriminating man of the world and it was time to put away childish things and one of those things was Christmas cards.

It was a struggle.

I was torn because this new sophistication wasn’t logical. Christmas (and religion of course) were merely an opiate for the masses and should be shunned. But it wasn’t so simple because sophisticated and nuanced people didn’t want to miss out on Christmas presents or the partying of the season. They sent out Holiday cards that communicated innocuous good wishes for the ‘season’ and exchanged gifts. Their secular lifestyle was unruffled without actually offending anybody..

 Then there were the Jews.

For the first time in my life, I discovered that not everybody celebrated Christmas. In my culturally deprived hometown, everybody was a nominal Christian. I knew about Jews. I’d even seen one or two in person but they weren’t part of my life. In college, they were everywhere. I discovered that they were pretty normal, except for the oddity of not celebrating Easter or Christmas although it struck me as convenient that they had a compensating holiday at the same time.  That alone is should be enough to make you believe in God.

 And, of course, the atheists.

For the first time in my life, I had to think about the impact of sending a Christmas card to a non-believer. It was my first lesson in applying  sophistication and nuance. If I know that someone is not a Christian, it it proper to send them a Christmas card? This was really a non-issue since college students don’t normally send Christmas cards and if they do, it is probably just to family and friends from home not to their sophisticated and nuanced college buds.  Still, I agonized.

Once that small doubt is inserted, it becomes harder and harder to act. Should I send a Christmas card to people I know to be non-Christian? Should I send them an innocuous holiday card? Or nothing at all? Once you start down that path, it is hard to stop. How do you know someone’s heart. Why should you assume that they celebrate Christmas? How can you be so arrogant and insensitive? The natural process finally tells you to send everybody a holiday card or just forget the whole damn thing. That way the only people you can possibly offend are real Christians and as I learned in college, they are all nut jobs anyway.

When you are sophisticated and nuanced you play it safe.

So I’ve played it pretty safe with holiday cards through my life. I pretty much tiptoed around the actual Christmas meaning and kept the whole message pretty secular. “Party-on, Dudes!”

Lately, though, my veneer of sophistication seems to be wearing thin. Each year sees a diminished role of religion in the celebration and it’s beginning to bother me. After all, religion is one of the things that separates man from animals. Despite all the effort on the part of the nuanced and sophisticated atheists and agnostics running our institutions these days, we remain  a Christian country. If being religious makes you a nut job then our founding fathers were nut jobs.

 So what’s your point?

Well, I’m getting off track here. The point I started out with is that I am finally comfortable with sending ‘real’ Christmas cards and not the safe and innocuous holiday cards. I have finally determined that what they mean is not that I want to push Christianity on anybody but at Christmas time, I want everybody, Christian or not to think about the meaning of Christmas. It is my message to them that I hope they will share in the joy of the message for believers and non-believers.  That is the spirit of the season.

Bottom line, I’m finally over my holiday confusion. It may not be nuanced and sophisticated but this year I’m sending Christmas cards.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Down with Neglect!

 Posted by at 18:17  Down with
Jul 072014
 
SONOMA, CA - NOVEMBER 24:  With less than one ...
Image by Getty Images via @daylife

It is easy to sit here and come up with little things to complain about.  But that is not Cantankerous, that is just crabby.  Some days it is hard to find the Cantankerous side of things, especially with a holiday like Christmas staring us in the face.

I recently moved my desk to the other side of my living room in preparation for Christmas decorating.  we have to find a place for the tree.  This move was good though, because now I have a window to stare out of.  I try to justify it to myself as creative thinking when I am staring out the window but I am convinced that most of it is wasting time.

I keep thinking of what I could write about for this site based on what I see out of my window.  I could complain about all fo the leaves that have fallen on my lawn, or the wind that blew them around, or even the rain that will make them harder to rake up, or even the snow that now covers them.

I could complain about the snow plow that keep filling up my driveway approach with snow that I get to shovel out again and again.  Or I could complain more about the TSA, airports in general, or the fact that egg prices have gone up almost double since last month.  Again, mostly not Cantankerous.

Here is what I can wax cantankerous about.  People who don’t do whatever it takes for their kids.  I have seen way too many kids at the elementary school who are outside in the cold wearing 2-3 tshirts or a parents flannel shirt.  It has been running at less than 30 degrees in Salt Lake for a couple of weeks now, this week is the warmest and will barely be in the 40’s.  Now I understand that some people just can’t afford to buy new coats all of the time for their kids.

I get it, times are hard.  But, there are 2 goodwill stores, one Salvation Army and one Deseret Industries within 2 miles of the school.  Coats can be had for cheap at either of these places.  Sometimes even that is too much for people, yet a good portion of the time, these people have a perpetual cigarette in their mouths.  I can’t imagine letting my kids go without anything that they need.  I don’t buy myself stuff most of the time because A-I don’t need it and B- I can use the money for my kids.

2 years ago my daughter had her coat disappear at school.  A few days later we saw another little girl with the coat on, and she was one that needed it.  We never pursued the fact that it was stolen, my daughter had another coat anyway and we figured that this girl needed it worse.  But what are some people doing when they let their kids resort to stealing from other kids just so they can be warm?

This post has gone from a rant to a sad commentary on society.  I don’t know the answer to this problem.  We can donate to all sorts of charities and some people get the help they need but there are others who are not quite poor enough to qualify for some programs but not rich enough to keep their growing kids in clothes that need help too.  Go out and see what you can do in your community to help those who need just a little bit. And it doesn’t need to be coats, some climes do not require them.  I am sure if you looked you could find something that needed to be done.

Consider that your homework for the week, do something for your community.  See we here at the Coots do believe that it is a good thing to help out your fellow man.  We just don’t believe in letting people suck us dry taking advantage of us.  Get ready for the Christmas season, no matter your religion, there are people out there who need you and your support.

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jul 072014
 

It’s embarrassing.

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Here we are winding up a year that set records for making sow’s ears out of silk purses. The world is going to hell in a hand basket (yes I know this is a trite cliché but sometimes only a trite cliché can convey your meaning). What I’m trying to say here is that the only thing good about 2011 is that we are almost done with it.

I say good riddance.

But what I’m embarrassed about today is that I’ve lost the will to rant. Search as I might in my inner being, it’s just not there. It may be just the joy and happiness of the season washing away all that bitter acid. Possibly it’s that I’m just overwhelmed by peace and joy not to mention too much to eat. I’m at a loss to explain it. You see, I’ve never had this problem before. Ranting has been second nature, easy as falling off a log.

This year, it’s different.

I’m a weepy wuss. Getting that cloying Christmas update from Cousin Zach never overwhelmed me before. This year I actually thought his new grandson was cute and reading about his road trip to Cedar Rapids made me envious. Then there is the food. That extra piece of pie never overwhelmed my natural distrust of human nature. This year stuffing my face completely unnecessary high calorie treats isn’t just making me fat. Each piece of pie or glass of eggnog is turning me into more of a pussy cat.

It can’t be old age.

Heck I’ve been old for years. There is no way to deny it. Sometimes I can fool myself into forgetting it, if I stay away from mirrors and the arthritis goes quiet. It’s just not something you can hide. If old age were the reason, this would have happened years ago.

So on this final week of what has to be one of the worst years yet, I am full of the milk of human kindness and unable to think a negative thought about anybody. It’s a sorry state of affairs. Whatever the cause, I have hopes that 2012 will restore my life to its former state.

So that’s my resolve for 2012.

I aim to restore my natural distrust in the judgment of others and my honest and completely justified lack of faith in human nature. I think if I can just finish off the last of the holiday food and get the decorations put away, there is hope that I can begin the year in a suitably cantankerous frame of mind.

Meanwhile, while the Christmas spirit and food buzz still clouds my mind, I can’t help myself from wishing you all a happy and prosperous New Year.

 

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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Jun 022014
 

Yes ladies and gents, it is finally here, the time we have all been waiting anxiously for, the best holiday of the year, Black Friday!  Holy cow can you believe that Black Friday 2011 is here?!?  I am so excited I could almost pee myself.

Black Friday at May 9th 1873 at the Vienna sto...

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I don’t care about anything else today, it is Black Friday and I am going to get some Christmas presents or die trying.  I want to end up in the hospital with a broken bone or two because I had to fight that one guy for the last Barbie Dream house at Toys R Us.  I want to shed blood in the pursuit of the commercial aspect of Christmas.

Christmas is now relegated to my third favorite holiday behind (in order) Black Friday and then Halloween.  I can’t believe that Christmas has hung on this long as the most popular holiday when Black Friday has been here for so long.  I am so going to throw away any part of the Christmas holiday that has to do with the Savior because, let’s face it, He isn’t going to be having any doorbusters right on the heels of Black Friday Eve, previously known as Thanksgiving.

Greed and violence seem to mark Black Friday and what two aspects of a holiday could be better together.  If you aren’t standing in line waiting to leave with your $5 DVD player then you are watching your cart like a hawk to make sure that shifty looking guy in the black hat isn’t going to take it out of your cart.

Maybe we should curb some of the greedy grabbing that goes on by requiring everyone who is serious about shopping on this most glorious of holidays to carry a gun.  Sure some people are going to get shot, but that is the price you pay for stealing out of other people’s carts.   And because you are celebrating a holiday you can claim it was religious insanity and get off the hook for the shooting because the Judge would rather be out celebrating as well.

So folks, here is what you need to do.  Forget all about being nice.  Forget all about the “reason for the season.”  Focus on the gifts.  Aunt Mary really needs that 5 pound tub of popcorn.  Cousin Jim will love the Old Spice sampler pack.  Mom will be thrilled with a novelty frying pan packed with a candle that sort of smells like Paula Deen.  Wait, that is a Paula Deen branded novelty frying pan with a candle that smells like pie.  And of course don’t forget Dad, that summer sausage and cutting board set is just calling his name.

Then there are the kids.  If you watch tv long enough you will find all of the things that you need to go out and but immediately.  Ignore anyone who says “Make your gifts” or anyone who mentions anything religious.  Your new religion is Black Fridayism.

My Mother in law joined us for Thanksgiving yesterday and she had to leave before pie time because she had to join the cult of Black Friday.  People heading to Wal-mart right after dinner to get a few bucks off of toys are the real winners, the clergy of the Church of the Black Friday.

Let Black Friday take you places.  You will submit.  You are joining a cult.  You are wandering down a long, deserted road.  There is a sign post up ahead.  Next stop, the Black Friday zone.

You have been warned.  Go buy some meaningless presents and convince the family that it really was the thought that counts.

See you next week.

-Justin

Justin

Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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Jun 282013
 
Merry Christmas

Image via Wikipedia

You might suppose that the Cantankerous Old Coots have an endless supply of the character flaw we have dubbed Cantankerosity. You would be wrong. Cantankerosity is no common good easily purchased in large quantities at Costco. It is a rare and precious quality which must be refined each day from the dross of hum drum daily life. It requires mastery and dedication. In short, effervescent and fresh as it may appear to mere mortals, it is hard work.

So today in the week before Christmas, this Coot is taking a break. Maybe it is the Christmas spirit which in spite of all I can do to stop it  has seeped into my brain and short circuited normal impulses. Maybe it is just fatigue as we draw to the end of another year. Whatever the reason as we anticipate the culmination of the Christmas season, I’m just flat out drained of Cantankerosity.  So sue me!

I plan to enjoy the pleasures of the season and ftom all the Coots I wish you and your families the joy and peace of the season as well. And if you are worried that the spirit of Christmas will infuse the Cantankerous Old Coots with mellow blandness for the next year, stop worrying. The day after Christmas when I return all the stupid gifts somebody decided I need always gets me right back to normal.

Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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