Apr 222012
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Got Friends?

Friends make life worthwhile

From time to time we all need ‘a little help from our friends’ as a obscure song by a long forgotten European rock band puts it. The trouble is in perspective. The times that I need a little help from my friends, it seems they are otherwise occupied and oblivious to my need. When I’m coping like a champion and fully engaged, in charge and taking no prisoners, everybody wants to help.

Regular readers understand that the Coot’s News Service is not like CNN. We don’t have the puffed up notion that news actually matters in your life or that there is anything noble about telling the dirt about other people. Out mission is to find a story or two that might actually turn on a light bulb and reduce your confusion. We don’t succeed all the time but it is our philosophy that you don’t fail until and unless you quit.. Sometimes, whatever your good intentions, the stories just aren’t there.


When the stories aren’t there, we do what we can to finesse the situation. We lower our standards.


By now you are probably convinced that all this blather is just to excuse another lame report. You are wrong. We have an outstanding CNS report for today. And, even better, we have a bonus. But back to the news.

Swedes move on

Just two old fashioned Swdes

Last week’s report showed how Swedes have decided to eliminate sex, Today’s story shows you how they do it. Normal people might question how you would eliminate something as universally admired as sex from life as we know it  The Swedes aren’t normal;  Brits either.  The Brits apparently don’t have a problem with sex, what they want to eliminate is friends. It seems that having a friend just sets you up for disappointment in life. Imagine how happy you might be if your weren’t burdened with fulfilling the obligations of your sex organs and you didn’t have to worry about losing your best friend.  Well, the sophisticated Europeans have the solution.


Early Childhood Reeducation Camps


Norman Bates mother

Mother knows best

Back home, the pitiful space agency, NASA has finally died. Not literally, of course. We still spend money we don’t have on meaningless programs but at least we aren’t spending in on the useless and , lets face it, incredibly ugly space shuttle whose only purpose was to carry supplies to a functionless space station. NASA died with the Apollo program and has been pretending ever since, sitting in a rocking chair like the mother in Psycho while we pretend that nothing is wrong. Government lost it with the space program but now there is hope- the private sector.

Let the Private Space Race Begin!  


So that’s the CNS for this week but I did promise a bonus and an explanation for the introduction so here you go-

a little help from my friends.

Bob pops up from time to time with a story. ‘Here you go.’ he will tell me ‘A story for CNS.’

So here they are.

Workers comp in Germany

Your tax dollars at work.


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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  5 Responses to “Coot’s News Service- A Little Help”

  1. If ya want to eliminate sex, just try getting old 🙂

  2. Hansi,
    Unfortunately that’s not the only thing you eliminate.

  3. Regarding the story on the ban of best friends, maybe they forgot how can a best friend can mean a lot in a person’s life.

  4. Virginie,
    Those sophisticated Brits are beyond friends.

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