Nov 202011
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We’ve Got News!

Have I Got News for You

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There is lots of news today and it all sounds important. Libya, Syria, Greece, Italy, the Euro, the Budget Deal and then the attacks on Newt after his rise to the top of the Republican contenders and the never ending saga of the Wall Street protesters. It all seems so frantic and so important and it all is – to somebody.

When you get down to hard cold truth, however, what I realize after dragging myself through all those stories today is a simple truth. They don’t matter a hill of beans. Those stories have no impact on my life today because: I don’t have any power to affect the outcome of those stories today and nothing I can do is going to make a difference in the future.

Bottom line, reading the news is a total waste of my valuable time.

So where does that leave the Coot’s News Service?

It’s a good question which deserves a good answer. The original thinking of our crack management team here at COC was that we could provide a valuable service to our readers by filtering the myriad news stories each week to find a few really important ones, particularly those stories which were upbeat and inspiring. This meant hours of research reading hundreds of real downer stories in the hope of finding something positive. Talk about a deadly assignment! Over time, the task moved from challenging to impossible and our dynamic research team became demoralized. So we moved on the Plan B.

Plan B was to find one story each week that would put our readers ahead of the pack. That seemed like a realistic ambition but even finding that one story soon became a challenge. I don’t know if the stories got worse or our standards rose higher. Whatever the reason, the challenge of finding that one perfect story got harder each week. And keeping our staff on target harder.

So today, exhausted from a fruitless scouring of the news, I have no choice but to punt. Today, we don’t have a story.

Get a Life!

The unavoidable truth is that nobody NEEDS the news, nobody BENEFITS from the news. News is an incredible and scandalous WASTE of society’s time and resources. I can confidently state that there is absolutely nothing in the news that you need to know and that you would be much better off walking the dog, playing catch with your grandson or taking your wife to a movie than reading the news.

There! I’ve said it.

But back to the original question about CNS. Does this mean the end of CNS as we know it? Will the delight of checking COC on Sunday’s for insightful commentary and wisdom be gone forever? And the answer is “Of course not.” We know that our readers depend on CNS to brighten their dreary weekends and we take our responsibilities very seriously even if it means continuing to follow the news.

So there will be a new report next week, although just now it is hard to say what it will be. After all, it is seven days away. Who knows? Something important might happen.





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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  9 Responses to “CNS for November 20, 2011 Do Something Important Today”

  1. Boy…that was sure news to me. I thought it was a good thing to be “informed”, but it is turning out to be scary. So I’ve given up on the News too, and only think happy thoughts, like how everyone will have two pizzas in every pot after Herman Cain is elected President.

  2. Hansi,
    And don’t forget those meds.

  3. I thought the meds have Hansi the inspiration for “two pizzas in every pot” comment.

    There is a good point – don’t get so hung up that you forget the important things in life.

    Meanwhile, stop trying to drive one to drink before noon —- oops, it’s noon somewhere.

  4. Herman hasn’t forgotten those “meds”. He’s all for letting the individual states determine their own marijuana laws, and not leaving it up to the Feds to determine what the people are allowed to do. I’m with him on that one (wonder if he gets high?), but that’s about all.

  5. Great post! I’ve thought for some time that the news was best avoided if you want to live a long, happy life. Too stressful! Besides, they always report the worst and put the worst spin on it so most of the time, it amounts to nothing in the end.

  6. Hansi,
    Glad to hear you like Herman.

  7. Joan,
    We always try to make the best of things here at COC but making something positive about the news is probably hopeless. Thanks for your support.

  8. We have always a day to change everything what we had before and what we do before. – Pete Spittler

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