Down with Evil…

 Posted by at 10:42  Down with
Feb 152014
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Where ever you find it.

We all know it’s an evil world. All you have to do is open the newpaper or turn on the TV. This Coot tries to avoid the bad news but each day it gets harder and harder. Some days it seems like the only way to protect yourself from the proliferating evil in the world is to retreat back in the woods, away from people. My partner here at Coots, Bob, prides himself on being ahead of the curve. He moved back in the woods years ago, taking the road less traveled and not coming back. He’s been pretty smug about the joys of living away from people in the idyllic Georgia backwoods but lately the woods haven’t been so idyllic. There is something evil happening there.


Scientists have long suspected that trees are not so benign and positive as the folklore suggests and lately they confirmed the truth. Trees are evil.

Instead of finding safety in the woods, Bob now finds that he is on the front line of attack from evil trees which attacked his Yurt last night. Communications have been difficult as Bob tries to save his homestead and ward off the attack. He has requested backup but so far is on his own and outnumbered againt the foe.  And Bob’s backyard  is not the only place where trees are attacking. This story tells how African villagers are terrorized by trees.

Elsewhere Coot’s News Service correspondants have provided news footage showing other places where trees have attacked. This attack happened in the Smoky Mountains, not that far from Bob’s outpost.


And finally, Coots has obtained news footage from Bob’s local sherif. It is a full scale war. Let’s just hpe and pray that Bab can hold his own and beat those evil trees back.There are even attacks indoors. It is looking very ominous now.

Attack of the Trees – Watch more Funny Videos

Keep Bob in your prayers.   How are the trees behaving in your neck of the woods?


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Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  10 Responses to “Down with Evil…”

  1. I wondered why he’d disappeared again (still? again? one of the two). Not to worry, there are only a certain amount of trees and I hear flamethrowers can be pretty effective in some cases.

    No outbreaks here as yet but I’m keeping an eye on our informant in the front yard. It’s been looking awfully shifty of late…

  2. Heather,
    I’m feeling encouraged by your comment about flamethrowers. Bob should certainly be able to take care of himself. Watch your back.

  3. I torture my trees with pruning shears every year. So they pretty much keep in line, but every now and then I have to nip a little rebellion in the bud.

  4. Hansi,
    How very German of you.

  5. Ralph…I don’t know if that is being “very German” so much, or is it just a preference for orderliness and uniformity in the garden. Everything outdoors functions so much better, and bears it’s fruits on time, with order. My lettuce plants are much happier and more productive when all goose-stepping in unison.

  6. Hansi,
    I was thinking more about the torture.

  7. Poor Bob, If I lived closer I would lend my axe. You won’t find any unruly trees on my property, they live in fear. I just got a new chain for my chainsaw too…

    Bob needs to cut those trees down and reinforce the outside of his yurt with them as a warning to the other trees. Of course it may start to look like a Beaver Dam instead of a yurt but that could be cool too.

  8. Justin,
    Masterfull idea. Cut down the evil trees and use their carcasses to fortify the homestead . I like Heather’s flamethrower but there is more risk to the yurt that way.

  9. I keep my tree (sequoia sempervivens) in a 6″ pot. Heh.

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