Mar 232012
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I am working hard to refine my Cantankerosity and hone it to the rusty butcher knife edge that Ralph has achieved.  One of the tools that must be used to acheive fine Cantankerosity is Sarcasm.  Sarcasm, done correctly, is one of the finest things the English Language ever produced.

Done poorly, well, you may as well type it out and let a computer try to read it.  It just doesn’t have the same punch.  Kids will cry and adults will tremble when they are faced with a truly masterful sarcastic stream of consciousness.  I have heard say that the British are the 7th degree Jedi Masters of Sarcasm, I am working up to that.  I believe that I am at about level 5.

Now, Sarcasm is not for everyone.  Some people try, but most of their sarcastic powers are lost in turns of the language that either make no sense or are trying so hard to be sarcastic as to just be a joke.  Sarcasm is like Cantankerosity.  Many can try, but only a few can truly wield the power.  It must be learned and then practiced in order to be effective.

Sarcasm can sometimes be misinterpreted.  Subtle digs at peoples lineage are usually sarcastic.  Calling someone a Son of a Whore is more descriptive and probably truthful.  You see how I wove sarcasm into the end of that sentence?  Subtle sarcasm is something that must be deftly handled or you are just muttering under your breath.  Of course, maybe you are doing that as well, there is plenty of room at the Coot house for you people.

Sarcasm is also able to fit just about anywhere you are.  It can be laced with enough profanity to make a sailor fall to the ground weeping or it can be clean enough for church, I just would keep it out of the prayers.  The big guy has a way of making lightning hit juuuussstt where he wants to.  Personally, I think it is more difficult and requires a higher mastery of the sarcastic ways to leave the profanity out.

Even the lowest most uneducated lout can spout off a string of profanity, but it may not be sarcastic.  The Definition of Sarcasm tells us that it comes from the greek word that means to tear flesh.  That is exciting.  Not only is Sarcasm fun, but if you take the word very literally, you will be a murder suspect.

That is where the mastery comes in.  You can give someone a complex that will take years and thousand of dollars in therapy to undo.  You can make the weak cry.  You can make your dad punch a wall and hit a stud.  Your goals will have been realized.

So take this from Coots Lesson #6, Never Underestimate Sarcasm.  If you use it correctly, you will not only be Cootish but very Cantankerous.  If you use it incorrectly, you will just sound like an idiot.  If you want some really good sarcastic training, go watch some British Comedy.  Monty Python has some of the best ever filmed.

Your homework has been assigned.

That is all.



Justin is the young Coot with a Cantankerous Soul who continues to be educated by older, more cootish Ralph and Bob. His Cantankerosity is his own.

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  5 Responses to “Coots Lesson #6: Never Underestimate Sarcasm”

  1. Well said, young jedi. I view sarcasm as the icing on the cake, the ne plus ultra, the creme de la creme of cankankerosity. When done by a master, you hardly know you have been ripped. As we move into the finer points of the Coot lessons, you can begin to understand that what you thought was thoughtless, blunt response has the grace and lightness of a bull fighter. We are stepping up the pace here so hold on and keep your cool.

  2. The only problem with sarcasm, at times, is when you want to make the person aware that you’re ripping them. Too subtle and they’ll miss it entirely; yes you get the satisfaction of knowing you got them… sometimes you want to see their little faces fall.

    All in all, I tend to view that as their failing more than mine (or perhaps my failure to guage my audience).

    • Good point Heather, sometimes you need to see the tears and the pain to be fully satisfied. A master can gage exactly the right amount for the situation. I tend to go overboard a bit. Keep working, it will come.

  3. Subtlety has no place at COC.

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