Feb 132011
 
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The secret is out about Cantankerous Old Coots. We are really softies at heart, full of love for our fellow man and our sweeties. So naturally on the eve of Valentine’s Day, all good Coots are looking for the perfect gift. Just in time the Coot’s News Service has found the perfect gift for that hard to please sweetie for whom flowers are trite and and candy just reminds them that they are still trying to work off the extra pounds from Christmas. For you who are still looking for a last minute gift, there is time, if you hurry.

Name a cockroach for your Valentine

And while you are checking out the zoo, find out what to expect from the Oscars this year.  Heidi has the answers.

Heidi The Cross-Eyed Opossum To Predict Oscar Winners!

Heidi will be appearing on the Jimmy Kimmel show to predict the Oscar winners later this month. She hopes to have the same success that Paul the octopus had with the World Cup but without the consequences. Sadly Paul died from unkown causes.  Wish her luck.

Coots are very protective of our position in society. It is bad enough getting old but when you have to defend your reputation in society, life can be very hard. That is why the Coots have been following the story of the LA Geezer bank robber. There is certainly romance and a raffish charm to this guy but some people are suggesting that he way be only an opportunist- a young guy hiding behind a mask that only makes him look like a geezer.

Is he a geezer or just a thug in a mask?

And speaking about giving gifts, liberals, whose favorite activities involved giving gifts of your money while calling you stingy are up in arms at the idea that they would have to pay for their biased news service. The new conservative House of Representatives is looking to make major cuts in the Nation’s budget including National Public Radio and Sesame Street. Coots have always wondered why these estimable operations seem unable to support themselves. Apparently the only people that watch these shows are deadbeats.

Liberals Mobilize to Save PBS, NPR Funding

But now for the good news. CNS know that our readers are eager to find at least one story each week with good news and this week we have two. First, studies show that despite the media hype, this years weather is no weirder than last years – or any years.

The Weather Isn’t Getting Weirder

And this story from Pravda (it must be true if it is in Pravda, right?). Stop worrying about that omelet you ate for breakfast. Eggs are healthier than every.

Eggs have become 64 percent richer with vitamin D

Now, before you settle back for a nice Sunday of football, (Oh, darn, now what am I going to do?), Cantankerous Old Coots wants to remind you that this week marks the first week that our readers can qualify for credit from Cantankerous Old Coots University Extension. Readers who tell us in a comment which story each week is the one they least needed to hear for five weeks will be recognized. You can start today or if you are in a hurry you can go back to earlier weeks and do them all at once. Finally, go to the right top corner of this page and vote for your favorite topic for March.

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Ralph

Ralph is the inspiration for Cantankerous Old Coots and is our Grand Duke of Cantankerousness

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  2 Responses to “Coot’s News Service- Valentine Day’s Eve Edition”

  1. I can live without them all..except for the name a cockroach for your Valentine. Now that’s a business opportunity just waiting to be exploited. Anyone, who has anything, can sell the name rights to something worthless, or better yet something people really don’t want to possess after naming, ie: cockroaches. If I were a farmer, I charge folks a small sum ($10) for the privilege of naming a cow-pie out in my field, after their ex-wife. A sign, with her name on it, posted next to the pile of plop, photographed, and digitally emailed to the namer, would make me a fortune; with little overhead or start-up money. Always inspiration to be had at Coots 🙂

  2. Hansi,
    Surely, someone with your experience can find opportunities right in your backyard, perhaps you can put commemorative dedications on LA potholes. Or may sell advertising space on gang members. That would engage your artisitc strengths as well as your law enforcement experience.

    BTW, you have completed the course work for your COCU certificate. Congratulations.

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