Hello there! I hope this week was full of both Joy and Cantankerousness. Today we have another Question answered by the Coots. If you have a question that you would like Bob, Ralph and myself to answer, send it to firstname.lastname@example.org and we will bring 3 different takes on Cantankerosity.
First, I have a small bone to pick with you all, the reading audience. I have not received nearly the response that I had hoped when we started the Ask A Coot feature. As a matter of fact, I have no, I repeat NO more questions waiting. I will have to make some more up. And again, I really freakin’ confused at why these pictures keep showing up when the text is analyzed. If you have a suggestion, let me know.
Today’s Question is almost philosophical in scope. It comes to us from our own Ralph. He wrote: : So tell me, since the President pardons the Thankgiving Turkey every year, what does the President eat for Thanksgiving?
A great question. I think it is only fair to let him answer first.
This seems to be a closely guarded secret leaving this Coot to speculation and reason in search for an answer. Clearly it would be hypocritical for the President to pardon Turkey 1 and then kill and eat Turkey 2. The Presidential turkey surely follows the same convention as the Presidential airplane. Whichever one he is on is Air Force 1. Applying this logic, any turkey reaching the President’s table is automatically Turkey 1. Therefore the President cannot be eating turkey without at the same time being a total hypocrite. Totally unacceptable.
As to what the President does eat, the mind can certainly boggle over the possibilities: a nice rib rost, maybe a goose or an exultation of roasted larks. Eating meat at all after pardoning the star seems to this coot to be the beginning of a very slippery slope. Imagine what PETA would say?
Surely they would demand the pardon of any beasts destined for the President’s Thanksgiving or multiply pardons in the case of larks. Being surrounded with PR geniuses, I am sure that the President plays it very safe on Thanksgiving. First, the menu is top secret to protect against any misinterpretation of his sensitivity but second my theory is that Thanksgiving at the White House means the very safe and delicious vegetarian delight – tofurkey.
Personally I think that this year he ate crow. In more ways than one. But in reality, I think that the White House is only occupied by liars and hypocrites. Over the years the job has evolved to require it. I don’t think there is any room in Washington for people to be totally honest anymore. Abraham Lincoln would be sad. Thomas Jefferson would shrug his shoulders. George Washington would probably try to philosophize about the problem. And all of them would be eating a lovely Turkey Dinner.
There is quite a mentality of “Here is what I believe, this is policy” and “don’t look this way because “policy” doesn’t apply to me.” that happens at the same time in modern politics. All I can see is a bunch of posturing for cameras and the press, hoping to put a positive spin on whatever crisis is facing the country at the moment. Behind the cameras, things go on as normal. Now I am not saying that the men we elect to be president are not good people to start with. (hold your protests even Jimmy Carter was good when he was a baby) Politics changes men into people who pander to popular opinion and lie and breed hypocrisy.
Pardoning a turkey is just a silly thing that provides a photo opportunity for the President. The turkey used to go to Disneyland and live a life of luxury, in turkey terms that is. The turkey federation has been bringing turkeys to the White House for years, Eisenhower and Johnson ate their birds. It took Kennedy to let the bird live. It’s all silly. Eat the damn bird, that is what they are bred for. Besides, have you ever actually looked at a turkey? Ugly as sin walking around, a beautiful thing roasted golden brown with dressing and cranberries.
What should the President eat? Eat the Turkey. Maybe we should start a new tradition where the president chops off the turkey’s head right there on national TV and then proceeds to field dress and pluck it. Of course we would have to start beheading PETA’s people and that would be fine with me. I don’t know that most of the current presidential prospects could handle dispatching a turkey. I’ll bet Eisenhower could have without blinking an eye.
Well Folks that is a lot of information, and we have yet to hear from Bob. he will weigh in in the comments and probably blow us all away.
Thanks for reading, and remember, send in your questions no matter the absurdity of it! We will answer and change your name for anonymity’s sake. Submit questions to email@example.com
- What Happens to a Pardoned Turkey? (neatorama.com)
- Obama to pardon two turkeys – USA Today (news.google.com)